Stardate 20100928.0813

Posted by rhiana on October 17, 2010 in category Uncategorized

I somewhat regret having imposed a limit on shower time. A very long shower followed by a few hours of sleep would be welcome now, but given the circumstances, I will have to use more immediate means to ensure that I will be able to perform my duty.

What did Lieutenant Junior Grade Guimaraes say? That I should be more responsible with my sparring. But I knew what I was doing. He needed it. And so did I. Admittedly, doing it at the end of a double-shift was not the best idea, but all things considered, I handled myself rather well. The kick that shattered his zigomatic arc proved that. Even if I paid for it with a fractured tibia.

Thankfully, the medical staff aboard this ship – Lieutenant Junior Grade Guimaraes in particular – are excellently trained and she treated my injuries quite well. Now I am curious to see the extent of Aerv’saihlan’s injuries. If he lets me. I still remember how, during the flu outbreak, he waited until he almost died before he reported to the medical bay. But we were not that close back then. Maybe he trusts me more now. Maybe he lets me treat his injuries. If he does not… even /he/ has to sleep at one point.

Stardate 20100815.1426

Posted by rhiana on August 15, 2010 in category Uncategorized

I feel that almost everywhere I turn, I am running against a wall.
And the walls are closing in.

Things are just not working out.

I have worked double shifts for weeks, kept the ship running with no support whatsoever from the phantom second officer. And now that the commanding officer is back among the living, he has nothing better to do than claim that I have not enough to do. Only because I did my job. Did what he told me he expected of me. And yet he punishes me for that. The last thing we need are double standards. Yet this is what is happening.

Admittedly, I am not entirely impartial either. But at least I try. I have not yet whipped anyone for failing to salute. I am doing my best at toning my expectations down to the lloannen’galae level. But I just cannot forget everything I have learned and stood for in almost twenty-five years of military career.

I knew why I did not volunteer for this mission.

Of course, since that is not enough yet, things are not working out in my private life either. At moments like these, I wonder why I actually still bother with trying to have one. Once we get back home, I will tell my hru’hfirh to just bond me with whomever she chooses. That way, noone will be hurt. And there is nothing wrong with a political match, after all. Everything for my hifhar.

Imirrhlhhse.

Stardate 20100814.1633

Posted by rhiana on August 15, 2010 in category Uncategorized

I cannot believe what just happened.

How… ?

Can it be possible?

Does she really…?

Elements!

I have never heard her speak like that.

I feel guilty.

But I should not.

And yet I do.

Regret my decision.

What a stupid idea.

I should have kept my distance.

Should have known better.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Do I ever learn from my mistakes?

Stardate 20100726.1536

Posted by rhiana on August 15, 2010 in category Uncategorized

Had I not received strict orders, I would have considered immediate transfer off this ship. Before we entered the Delta Quadrant. Now it is too late, of course.

It is not that the task is too much. The ship is small and the crew only a fraction of the Aidoann’s. But it is this crew that affects me somehow. I feel as if I am changing. Or maybe everyone around me is changing.

I am used to obedience and respect. Admittedly not from everyone to the same degree, but in the end, I am not challenged. Aboard this ship, however… I feel that this is not the case. Not that there have been any serious occurences of insurbordination – it is a pity that the matter of execution will be difficult to explain to the Starfleet officers – but far from home, the risk for that to happen increases, especially in such an unusual setup: the crew was thrown together from three military organisations and the Elements only know how many ships. It is understandable that despite a tenday together aboard prior to departure, this is not a crew I would like to depend upon in a critical situation. Not yet. We need time to get used to each other. To learn to work together.

Merely writing that sounds utterly wrong to me. Of course, by learning to work with them, we get to know them. Their procedures, their ways to achieve things. But at the same time, they will obtain the same information from us. And yet… insubordination and possible mutiny from one or two of the factions can only be prevented if we are one crew.

I am glad, however, that the Theirrn is here to assure that relationships will remain purely professional.

On another note, even though I do not sleep quite as fitfully as I do on the Aidoann or on the estate, I have not yet experienced any serious disruptions of my sleeping cycle. I pray the Elements that nothing will happen, but I remain apprehensive nonetheless.

Stardate 20100123.0859

Posted by rhiana on January 23, 2010 in category Uncategorized

I have been the ChR Areinnye’Aidoann’s acting leih for more than one year now, every day hoping that this day will allow me to earn the promotion I deserve.

Or do I?

We have been sent out on a number of different assignments, with some of the more important ones perfect for me to prove myself to Galae Command, to earn the promotion, the rank and title I have been coveting for so long.

However, we were unable to complete any of these assignments successfully, due to things like the ship almost falling apart around us or Outworlders not keeping to their word, making it impossible for us to fulfill our orders.

Since our return from the last assignment, we have been at dock. This is the First Fleet’s flagship and it should be out there, assuring the safety of the Aevumih, but it seems Galae Command is hesitant to give us a new assignment. My questions concerning this remain unanswered. They are probably waiting for the final report of khre’Riov tr’Llhaenn who has spent this past year aboard the Areinnye’Aidoann, evaluating ship, crew and especially the acting leih.

At this point, I have several options, but I am hesitant to act prematurely. This report may yet be positive…

Stardate 20090724.0336

Posted by rhiana on July 24, 2009 in category Uncategorized

I have taken two days of leave to visit the estate and see Jaeih again. We went to the Ihhliae Farmer’s Festival where we spent a few almost perfect hours. I enjoyed myself immensely, even when Jaeih insisted that I ride on the carousel with her. It is amazing how this girl can make me do things I would never even consider in normal circumstances. Whether I am spoiling her by hardly ever refusing anything she wants? Ie. Of course. But I have the leisure to do so.

The enjoyment was a little dampened when we ran into three officers of the Aidoann. It was almost to be expected, they are on shore leave after all, and the Farmer’s Festival is a traditional and major event. Though one would think that with thousands of people attending, it would be nigh impossible to meet anyone familiar. Oh well. They have seen Jaeih now, of course. It was bound to happen eventually. Not that she is a secret but the less people are aware of her existence, the better. At least, her existence in relation to me. Anyway, I greeted them quickly before Jaeih and I continued our way and it was only a few hours later that one of them, Erein tr’Dor, ran into us again at Erket’s stand. It was rather interesting in the beginning and he seemed to get along well with Jaeih.

Until he made a comment that was more than inappropriate and extremely insulting to me. I did not wish to make a big scene, not in the middle of all these people, but I could not refrain myself from becoming violent briefly. That veruul can be glad that I was carrying Jaeih, else my reaction would have been very different.

If nothing else, it was at least a good reminder why I do not let people get close to me.

Stardate 20090628.0204

Posted by rhiana on June 28, 2009 in category Uncategorized

We have been in orbit of Thieurrull for little over one day only, yet it feels like weeks. There are different things happening at the same time and yet it appears to me as if there was nothing happening at all. I know, that does not make sense, but it is the impression I have. Furthermore, I feel helpless. I am sitting here on the ship, unable to do anything but wait on reports.

I wish I could transport to the planet and take things into my own hands. Not that I do not trust Erein tr’Khnialmnae and Eredh tr’Dor, but they have been down there for a good part of a day and have not reported anything at /all/. For all I know, they could be dead by now or held by the rioters.

I also do not have any news from the Aen v’Stelam. Of course, the Hrussu doesn’t need to report to me, but Eredh tr’Merrok /does/. Or at least he should report to the acting chief of engineering. But I have heard nothing at all. He could be over there taking a nap instead of working to get the freighter back into an acceptable condition.

The Theirrn… he is, admittedly, a special case. But at least he has contacted me twice already. Not that he went as far as telling me what it is he has to do on the surface, but he did say he would report back in in forty-eight hours, thus at least giving me a timeframe. The second message was even shorter. And a lot more worrisome. He said there may be a mole aboard and that I should be careful. Nothing more.

I am admittedly somewhat hesitant about what to do. Without any indication as to where and who this mole may be nor how I can determine whether someone is a mole, trying to find them is impossible. Besides, I am fairly certain that there is a certain number of people aboard who report to third parties about anything noteworthy that may happen aboard. The Theirrn himself is the most prominent example for that. So I will just have to wait until he returns so he can clarify this.

Then, there is the Tal Diann. khre’Riov tr’Jhihansu seems to want to do something about the garrison – he sent a rather energetic sounding message to me and to khre’Arrain i-Lleinarrh from the garrison – but he has not come to see me yet to discuss what he may need from me. But that is really the least of my problems. In any case, once we leave here, the garrison will be free of besieging civilians. One way or the other.

Besides that, I had to report to khre’Riov tr’Llhaenn about the current situation. I expected the worst but he was strangely polite. He even accepted doing this on the observation deck instead of having me deliver that report on the bridge just so that he could once more try to humiliate me in front of my entire bridge crew. I do not know what is happening with him, but he did not yell at all. He even said that I had ‘done well’. Coming from him, I have no idea what that is supposed to mean. Is he trying to lure me into thinking that maybe, after all, he might be on my side? I should hope not for that is impossible for me to do. This man – along with his assistant – basically holds my career in his hands at this point. Galae Command will base their decision about confirming me as the ship’s leih to a major part on the khre’Riov’s report.

I /want/ this position. Ie, I do not have en’Deihu t’Khnialmnae’s charisma, but I know how to run this ship. I have been doing it for years. Through all the different commanding officers the Aidoann has seen in the past ten years, I have been there to ensure the smooth running of the day-to-day business. Whether I can also ensure the crew’s loyalty to the Aevumih? Again, I lack the en’Deihu’s or my late hru’hfihr’s charisma, but I do hope to do it by example. Oh, I can hear my critics already, claiming that /I/ am probably the worst example ever and that I am the last person to deserve this position.

Even though I do not normally use expressions like this, there is only one thing I can say to them: imirrhlhhse’hr! I have dedicated my entire adult life to the Aevumih by serving in the Galae, by doing my duty without question. I have delivered my own parents to the Tal Shiar which in turn has enabled them to effectively destroy that dissident movement. What else can I do to wipe out that one single mistake I did all those years ago? There is noone who has never made any mistakes. And in one way or the other, everybody has to pay for them. I have. I have paid my debt, no matter what some think, and I want to be the Aidoann’s commanding officer. I deserve it.

That is, if there is still a ship – and crew – by the time we get home. It appears to be breaking down all around me. The time the ship was in dock on Deletham Ssaedhe was not sufficient to completely overhaul the environmental systems. Now there are toxins leaking through the ventilation systems in the senior officers’ quarters, replicators on the same deck begin to disfunction and the replicators in the main crew mess hall only create liquids – or inedible goo. I have requested the acting chief engineer’s report on that three hours ago already and he has still not bothered providing it. It appears that I need to go and have a word or two with him about the urgency of the situation.

Stardate 20090610.1329

Posted by rhiana on June 10, 2009 in category Uncategorized

Rinam,

May the Elements be with you at this day that marks your fourth birthday.
May They grant you health and happiness and a life in mnhei’sahe.

I regret that I cannot be with you at this day, but duty requires me to attend to another matter first.

In the hope to see you soon, Jaeih, I remain your loving sister
Rhiana

Stardate 20090601.1137

Posted by rhiana on June 1, 2009 in category Uncategorized

I cannot believe that Galae Command would do that. Sending out the Aidoann, a ship that needs at least another tenday in dock for the overhauls to be finished, not to mention testing them, to rescue Enllairhi t’Jhihansu /and/ pacify a world. And what world. Thieurrull.

That name is, for me, forever linked with the death of my parents even though they did not die there. When I hear or read “Thieurrull”, my thoughts turn directly to a scene that occurred a few years ago in a cave system there: Jalad, the young dissident whom I had gotten close to in the two tendays or so I stayed with them, left to die on a makeshift biobed behind me, while I aimed and fired at my father. At the same time, in the larger cave next to this one, soldiers from the Aidoann under the command of then khre’Riov Shihaya t’Khnialmnae surprised and arrested the dissidents, among them my mother.

I will never forget the expression on my father’s face when I fired at him. I know that I did the right thing, but it still hurts.

And now I am sent back there to pacify the planet. I hope it will be possible to do so peacefully. I do not want to think of having to use more persuasive means. It is not so much the fact of willingly bombarding a planet that disturbs me; I have done so before. But this time… these are Rihannsu!

Maybe this is why the Aidoann was assigned to this mission. Sending the flagship sends a clear message: we take you seriously.

Maybe this alone will already help to calm down the population.

Stardate 20090510.1450

Posted by rhiana on May 10, 2009 in category Uncategorized

Elements.
What a night.
What a morning.

It still appears to me as if I am dreaming all of this, as if this was all just a nightmare. Or maybe wishful thinking.

I am torn between feeling flattered and feeling utterly patronised.

On the one hand, it is certainly flattering that hru’hfirh s’Merrok picked me of all the people she could have chosen. She has her reasons, of course, some of which I very much understand. On the other hand, I am not too fond of the idea of being used by her as a tool for her political advances, but my hru’hfirh agreed with t’Merrok’s idea, so I can hardly /not/ do what is asked of me.

Then, the talk with my Lady in the flitter on the way back home from the reception. It was not exactly a setup, but at that time, it almost felt like one. Of course, she was right with everything she said and if I want to succeed I better listen to her. Though that was the part where I first felt as if I was being patronised. I have managed for thirty years without a close family and I do not know why she thinks I need ‘family ties’, as if it was not enough for me to be a full member of s’Aegis. Ie, I admit that when the late hru’hfirh s’Aegis adopted me as his v’Rian, I was glad to belong to something, /someone/, and I did regret that I lost that status after his death, no matter how low in hfihar hierarchy it was situated. I also admit that when my Lady said that she would from now on be my mentor and had made all necessary arrangements for me to become her adopted granddaughter… as ridiculous as it may sound… I felt warm and fuzzy inside.

I admire and appreciate this woman greatly and she has shown me nothing but patience and kindness. Except for that one time where I experienced that behind her cordial manner there is a calculating block of ice without mercy or remorse. Of course, the situation called for that, so I can certainly not hold it against her. Quite in the contrary. I admire her even more for that.

To be able to call her v-hru’Nanov is an immense honour and I hope that I will prove myself worthy of it.

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